It was my first Halloween in the city, so you can imagine how stoked I was for that night. I was dressed as a sexy magician and my girl *Grace was dressed as a "Ghetto girl from Brooklyn". She's the farthest thing from hood. We drunkenly stormed from bar to bar in search of the perfect party spot. One of the bars was actually ghetto - everyone was black except us. Let me just say her costume did not fly. But you knowww we jumped on that stage regardless. Just picture the Cameron Diaz soul train dance from Charlie's Angels but with Lucy Liu included in the mix. Anyway, we decided to ditch that place and wander. We came across a few guys hanging out on some steps who asked us to come to the party inside. I started talking to one of the boys, *Dave, and he was totally my flavor of le moment.Tall, witty, with a hint of scruff. We decided to go in. Problem was it wasn't their party. It was some girl's party, and we all know how that shit usually goes down. So Grace & I decided to go do what we do best together-Karaoke!
Karaoke is a blur in my mind. I just remember a 4 L Beer and me dying to sing " Man I feel like a woman". Next thing I knew it was closing time and off to his buddy's place where we all engaged in what I'm sure was some intelligent conversation. Everyone started to pass out except *Dave and I. We proceeded to the kitchen and started to write flirty messages with the fridge magnets. And then shit went down. I guess that's the way to get a girl to go home with you-shitty party,beer, and magnets? He was my first random hookup as a Montrealer. We passed out shortly afterward, and then it was off to one of many walk of shames to come. I came home to the most amazing thing. My mother, father, sister, uncle and cousin in my living room. The sight of this made me vomit...actually. It was their first visit to see me since I had moved away. Let's just say it's a hangover I'll never forget.
That was the last time I saw him...until today. Exactly 2 years today. We had exchanged text messages here and there. Then he added me on Facebook, where I realized his status was definitely not single. He was cut from that point on. I was standing behind him in line for the bus to Ottawa. At first I didn't notice it was him. I glanced up from my book to look at my reflection, when I saw his profile in the glass window. All I could think was.Oh.My.Fuck. I pretended to not see him. But he turned, looked at me and said, "I know you." I gave him one of my half smiles and said hi. It was awkward small talk from then on.
The bus started to board. All I could think was..Fuck. Do I sit with him or not? Sitting beside a one night stand you haven't seen in 2 years for 2 hours...Hmm. My mind is thinking fuck that shit. Then oh, look what my body did. Sat right beside the guy. My body tries to convince my mind that this could be a good thing. He was a social psychology major right? Some enticing conversation may spring up from this. Then I probably did THE most awkward thing ever done on a greyhound. I said there wasn't enough space, moved to the seat in front of him and said that if he really wanted to talk I could just turn around. As we pulled into Ottawa he pokes his head beside mine and says it was the worst anniversary he had ever had. We made a few jokes. He helped me with my bags and then it was the classic farewell Montreal *kiss-kiss.
Current...
Mood:Uneasy/Amused
Song:Papers-Usher
**Sidenote
To my current boyfriend:If you somehow find this and read it. I love you. I know...I was a bit of a hoebag. But my skanky days are over and me and my vajayjay only think of you :).
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
It's 4:20 am.Let's Reflect.
Is it weird that I don't know what my next-door neighour looks like. These walls are paper thin. I can hear them having sex. I can hear what kind of music they listen to. What time they wake up. When they get home. And vice versa. I think they're drunk right now. It's past 4 am and they just got home. Okay,I feel like a stalker. Back to what was on my mind...
*Flashback
June 17th 2009
He asked if she was okay.
She nodded her head reluctantly.
He said that he was sorry for how life kept kicking her ass.
She said that nothing was real unless you let it be.
So they ventured off into the nights.
But one day he woke up and realized she was gone.
She looked back and realized he was lost.
Last year I fell in love with my gay bestfriend. That was a passage I wrote in my journal. This was when I realized what a poisonous situation I was in. I know what you're thinking ...crazy woman. Trust me. I felt like a crazy person. And everyone around me was telling me how crazy we were being. But I really didn't give a fuck. It was making me happy at the time.
I really didn't see it coming. I had just moved back to the city and was ready to hit the scene with a vengeance. *Matthew had always been down to party with me in the past, but since the Block (our old party crew) had died ... it was just him and I. This was when we became close. This was when our co-dependant relationship (what he likes to call it) began I suppose.
In the beginning it was the shit. We would get absolutely hammered and party with randoms. Sometimes take them home with us. We just pushed eachother to the limit. One time I was in the middle of a class and the next thing I knew we were on our way to the Bronx in NYC. It was a beautiful disaster.
It came to the point where we both couldn't sleep without being beside eachother. Telling everyone we were engaged. Including his family. When in reality we were both so broke from drinking we could barely afford cigarettes, let alone an engagement ring. People were a little horrified. But I kind of liked that. Shocking people. It was all good though. We were partners in crime.
I had been with other guys before * Matthew. Straight guys. But I never trusted any of them enough to share my emotional side. With him, he always knew how to make me feel comfortable and loved. I trusted him. Then things started to turn bad.
Matt and I both hooked up with other people, which didn't bother me since they were only physical not emotional connections. I was totally lying to myself. For me they weren't emotional...but for him they were. His feelings toward me started to fade and he started being mean and disrespectful towards me. And I'm really ashamed to admit that I put up with it for months. My life became trying to make him happy and get the good times back. Wackest time of my life.
I went to my hometown to clear my head. I stayed there for about 2 weeks just spending time with friends and family. I was at the beach with my girl *Lourdes bitching about *Matt. I knew I needed to get even farther from him and partying. I left that night to Toronto. I showed up at my cousin *Janine's apartment at 5 in the morning with a summer's worth of clothes.I stayed there for a month. I like to refer to that part of the summer as rehab. While I was in Toronto I got away from the party scene and was getting over Matt, although we did talk on the phone regularly.
I decided to spend the remainder of the summer in my hometown. I began to start hanging alot with an old friend named *C. At first we would only go out on the party scene with friends. Then we started hanging out solo. I found myself always making sure I looked like a 10 everytime I stepped out the house, just in case I was gonna hang with him sometime that night.Which was usually the case. Eventually we started dating. We haven't been together too long (around 2 months) but no one's ever treated me like he does. I find myself telling him I love him already! I can't help it though. He makes me laugh and treats me with respect. And also...hmm. how shall I put this.He has as much "stamina" as I do. For the record, * Matt and I still share an incredible friendship. He taught me so much about myself. Now let's see where this new love will take me!
Current...
mood:neutral
song:Best I Ever Had-Drake
*Flashback
June 17th 2009
He asked if she was okay.
She nodded her head reluctantly.
He said that he was sorry for how life kept kicking her ass.
She said that nothing was real unless you let it be.
So they ventured off into the nights.
But one day he woke up and realized she was gone.
She looked back and realized he was lost.
Last year I fell in love with my gay bestfriend. That was a passage I wrote in my journal. This was when I realized what a poisonous situation I was in. I know what you're thinking ...crazy woman. Trust me. I felt like a crazy person. And everyone around me was telling me how crazy we were being. But I really didn't give a fuck. It was making me happy at the time.
I really didn't see it coming. I had just moved back to the city and was ready to hit the scene with a vengeance. *Matthew had always been down to party with me in the past, but since the Block (our old party crew) had died ... it was just him and I. This was when we became close. This was when our co-dependant relationship (what he likes to call it) began I suppose.
In the beginning it was the shit. We would get absolutely hammered and party with randoms. Sometimes take them home with us. We just pushed eachother to the limit. One time I was in the middle of a class and the next thing I knew we were on our way to the Bronx in NYC. It was a beautiful disaster.
It came to the point where we both couldn't sleep without being beside eachother. Telling everyone we were engaged. Including his family. When in reality we were both so broke from drinking we could barely afford cigarettes, let alone an engagement ring. People were a little horrified. But I kind of liked that. Shocking people. It was all good though. We were partners in crime.
I had been with other guys before * Matthew. Straight guys. But I never trusted any of them enough to share my emotional side. With him, he always knew how to make me feel comfortable and loved. I trusted him. Then things started to turn bad.
Matt and I both hooked up with other people, which didn't bother me since they were only physical not emotional connections. I was totally lying to myself. For me they weren't emotional...but for him they were. His feelings toward me started to fade and he started being mean and disrespectful towards me. And I'm really ashamed to admit that I put up with it for months. My life became trying to make him happy and get the good times back. Wackest time of my life.
I went to my hometown to clear my head. I stayed there for about 2 weeks just spending time with friends and family. I was at the beach with my girl *Lourdes bitching about *Matt. I knew I needed to get even farther from him and partying. I left that night to Toronto. I showed up at my cousin *Janine's apartment at 5 in the morning with a summer's worth of clothes.I stayed there for a month. I like to refer to that part of the summer as rehab. While I was in Toronto I got away from the party scene and was getting over Matt, although we did talk on the phone regularly.
I decided to spend the remainder of the summer in my hometown. I began to start hanging alot with an old friend named *C. At first we would only go out on the party scene with friends. Then we started hanging out solo. I found myself always making sure I looked like a 10 everytime I stepped out the house, just in case I was gonna hang with him sometime that night.Which was usually the case. Eventually we started dating. We haven't been together too long (around 2 months) but no one's ever treated me like he does. I find myself telling him I love him already! I can't help it though. He makes me laugh and treats me with respect. And also...hmm. how shall I put this.He has as much "stamina" as I do. For the record, * Matt and I still share an incredible friendship. He taught me so much about myself. Now let's see where this new love will take me!
Current...
mood:neutral
song:Best I Ever Had-Drake
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Nocturnal creatures aren't so prudent.The moon's my teacher and I'm her student.
I am a vampire. Well, I don't drink blood and I love garlic. But I am a creature of the night. My sleep pattern usually ranges 7 am-5 pm. In my attempt to become a normal functioning member of society, I tried to pull an all-nighter (or maybe more appropriately all-dayer?) so I could hopefully sleep at night like the rest of the world. I failed miserably. Fell asleep at about 1 pm and passed out until 5ish. Laundry is spilling out of my closet and the bills have yet to be paid. My nails, upperlip and eyebrows are looking herendous. If anyone actually ends up reading this blog: take everything that I do, do the opposite, and you will probably be one of the most productive people ever. It's almost 9pm. Haven't eaten yet. But there is no way I am going out in the street like this. So I guess canned soup with a side of a joint will be on the menu tonight. I'll probably just be web-surfing/pondering life.So don't be surprised if a flood of entries is spilled out on this blog tonight.
Current....
Mood: Fugly
Song:I Look Good-Chalie Boy (How ironic)
Current....
Mood: Fugly
Song:I Look Good-Chalie Boy (How ironic)
Warning: Addictive
Before the first day of school,I would always sketch out my first week outfits. Every detail was paid much attention to, from hair to shoes. I discovered a website where they take this idea to a whole new level. There is a free and easy application where you can make collages from any image off the web. You can create your own collages or browse other people's creations.Check it out.Some of the collages are fuckin' bananas. http://www.polyvore.com/
Dope
During my search for a header image, I came across an amazing artist named David Choe. He does art in a variety mediums: painting,murals,photography etc.Check him out at http://www.davidchoe.com/art.html .
If my life is mine what shouldn't I do.
I have so many things that I want to do in my life.During the past 3 years I've done some serious damage on the party scene. I don't regret any of it. It was so much fun! But now I feel like it's time to exlpore other facets life has to offer. I've been working on cutting down my drinking since the summer, which has been succesful. My lovely friends and boyfriend have definitely helped me out in my sobriety.I went from drinking almost everyday to once or twice a week. Now with alcohol out of the way, I have time to focus my time on more productive things. The question is what kind of productive things...
La Verdad
La verdad. This is the truth. Nina Nova is not my real name. I've had 6 identities that I've created during my 20 years in this life. Maybe this will be the birth of a new one. I'm planning on being very candid with my experiences and my thoughts in this blog,so I opted on keeping my 6 more popular identities on the low...well for the meantime at least.This isn't my first blog,but I never really stuck one out for more than a couple months.Let's recap:
-Diary of a Mad Brown Woman
actually feel like blushing out of embarassment,but can't actually because of brown skin
-2fips+1
done with *Tina (ex-roomie/bff) and *Janine(cousin) around senior year.we would basically talk parties/clubbing/inside jokes.we thought that it would help us keep close no matter what city we would end up in.maybe we should have kept writing.
-Le505
my favorite one by far.done with my current roomate (Kelly).we talked fashion/celebs/music/books/parties/upcoming events & event reviews from the 514 to 416/inside jokes
I'm sure there's more,but I just can't think of it right now.It's been years since high school .I don't have any material things to show for this time, but I do have my experiences and my mind.I keep a diary but I feel like I want to share my life ,or maybe I'm just an attention seeker.
In the meantime, this blog is secretive from the people in my life.But we will see where it leads to.It's still a work in process,as am I.
-Diary of a Mad Brown Woman
actually feel like blushing out of embarassment,but can't actually because of brown skin
-2fips+1
done with *Tina (ex-roomie/bff) and *Janine(cousin) around senior year.we would basically talk parties/clubbing/inside jokes.we thought that it would help us keep close no matter what city we would end up in.maybe we should have kept writing.
-Le505
my favorite one by far.done with my current roomate (Kelly).we talked fashion/celebs/music/books/parties/upcoming events & event reviews from the 514 to 416/inside jokes
I'm sure there's more,but I just can't think of it right now.It's been years since high school .I don't have any material things to show for this time, but I do have my experiences and my mind.I keep a diary but I feel like I want to share my life ,or maybe I'm just an attention seeker.
In the meantime, this blog is secretive from the people in my life.But we will see where it leads to.It's still a work in process,as am I.
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