The Laughing Heart

your life is your life

don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

— by Charles Bukowski

Current...

Mood:Groggy

Song:Golden Path by Flaming Lips and Chemical Brothers

Cha-Cha-Cha

Hello All!

All 7 of my followers. haha. I know its been a while. So What's been up with me...

-Ive temporarily cut *Matt out of my life.
-Went back to working at the coffee shop.
-Clubbing as usual
-Wii (Cook or be cooked)
-Polyvore
-Watching movies (Watched Interview with a Vampire and Belly last night)

So at the moment watching,“Take the Lead” with my cousins. We tried to play Cranium, but it was an epic fail. I turned 21 this past month, and I went through hell and back all through my 20th year. Which has lead me back to the people who truly love me. I needed to be around them again to keep me grounded and remember what's real.

The Beatles once sang,"All you need is love". Well I love and I am loved. Now it is time for me to do what I love. Once upon a time I was a competitive dancer. I stopped at the age of 16 because I thought my social life was more important, but my passion for dancing has never died. I love clubbing-so I can dance!

It's almost that time again. New Year's resolution time. Where people kick their bad habits. I will stop smoking this year. I will lose 20 pounds this year. Most are a major fail. Why doesn't anyone make a resolution to do something that they love. I love to dance and Im pretty good at it...not gonna lie. So here it is: My goal is to enter an amateur dance competition by 2011. See you on the dance floor yall.

*I am currently under the influence of alcohol and weed. Last week when I was high with Neyo and Shaniqua, we almost killed and deep fried the goldfish and thought about opening an underground Weed Bakery.

Current..
Mood:Mellow Inspired
Song:Runaway Girl by Drake
Location:Shaniquas (Ottawa)

La vie a la boheme

Currently house-hoppin' in Ottawa.
Avoiding parents, negative people, bill collectors and responsibilities.
Dying to blog about things that can't be leaked on to the eyes of strangers on the web.
Obsessing over polyvore.
Listening to an ode to my former destructive life with *Matt : Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys and John Mayer.
Trying to let anger fade and forgiveness take over.
Missing the only person I feel like talking to from Montreal : *Grace.
Wanting to be in my boyfriend's bed.
Waiting for the art museum to open.
Thinking about walking to the mall for Starbucks and a bagel.
Anticipating a weekend in Montreal with the girls for my 21st.
Amazed at how fast the years went by.

Life is a Gift:Part 1

Wait, for now.

Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours.
Haven't they carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
Their memories are what give them the need for other hands.

And the desolation of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness.
Carved out of such tiny beings as we are asks to be filled
The need for the new love is faithfulness to the old.
Wait.
Don't go too early.
You're tired. But everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

You inspire me to be a stronger person. You've taught me to be a better person without even trying. I am so proud of what you've achieved and what you've overcame. Nothing will ever come between us. Don't give up. You and I threw out our bibles years ago, but how can I not have faith in God when after last week you still stand beside me?

Current...

Mood: Grateful
Song:Meet me halfway-Black Eyed Peas

The September Issue

The skinniest and most powerful woman in America : Anna Wintour.
I watched The September Issue last night. It follows Anna, Grace Coddington (creative director) and the Vogue Elite throughout the making of their September 2007 issue.

Anna is just as famous for her icy persona than her impeccable style. Some of her colleagues have even donned her Nuclear Wintour. After watching this documentary I say,"Let the haters hate Miss Wintour." She definitely isn't warm and friendly, but the woman is the best at what she does. Anna basically runs the fashion industry...what do you expect?

I absolutely loved,"The September Issue". If you love fashion, you will love this film. And I mean real fashion lovers, not you little shitheads who like spending time at the fucking mall. By the way, you can find this flim online ;)

Current...
Mood:Content
Song:Number 1 by R.Kelly and Keri Hilson

Miss Mary Jane

Even Kirsten Dunst smokes that la la la.

Your Man is Cheating on You!

Lately I've been trying to break out of my vampire-like sleeping pattern. What a fail. I tried to fall asleep at 3 am (I usually sleep at around 7-8 am) but I hadn't heard from *C all day. Ok, I know that sounds pathetic. But the man has called me before he goes to bed ever since August. Never missed a night, unless we were sleeping in the same bed of course. It's Saturday night so I'm thinking maybe he went to the club. But he never clubs without informing me first. (For the record, I'm not a psycho girlfriend... he does this without me asking.I actually encourage him to go out.I got people all over the city anyway.) Throughout the night I called him twice and messaged him once on msn .No reply. I'm actually getting worried something has happened to him at this point.

I walk into the kitchen. A certain book on the shelf catches my eye. It's called, "The Ultimate Sex Test" by Smith and Doe. We bought it from Value Village as a joke for a friend last year. I decide to flip through it to take my mind of the situation. Bad idea. The first thing I read is:

Our shocking research for WHAT MEN DON'T WANT WOMEN TO KNOW proved that fully 96.4 % of all men either have cheated, are currently cheating, or believe they will cheat in the future. This is a fact of life. If you don't believe it, ask Sally Jesse Raphael.

I'm like okay bud...Sally Jesse Raphael? I chuckle and read on.

Although your first response will probably be to grant our figures are true for men in general, you will think, not your man. Think again. Unless he is chained in the basement, hopelessly gay, or pitifully dysfunctional, it is your man!

I'm thinking. Whatever. I've known my man since High School. He's not a cheater. He respects me and women in general way too much. 96.4 % eh? Come to think about it... all of my girlfriends have had their asses cheated on by their boyfriends. Shit. *C hasn't called me. It's Saturday night. Fuck. Man, I should've gone to the Afterhours Club with *Kelly and *Matt is what I'm thinking. I decide to call him one more time. It's around 4 am. He picks up sounding awfully groggy. I try to play it cool and nonchallantly ask him where he's been all night. He says out with the boys, but his story isn't adding up and he's starting to stutter and mumble all over the fuckin' place. So I call him out on it. I ask him why is he stuttering so much. He sighs and says fine I'll tell you. Wow, here it goes. Another fuckin' woman scorned. He says... I puked all night. I can feel the embarassment in this voice. I start crackin' up so much, I must have woken up a neighbour or two. He starts laughing his ass off too and says it was on the same level as boat cruise. (He came to my prom aftergrad where I made him chug a bottle of vodka with me before we got on a boat for the rest of the night.) We talk on the phone for a little longer, just talking about our day/night and how we plan on playing matchmaker for a couple friends of ours.

I go back to reading the book before bed.

Meditation of the Day
"A man stranded on a desert island who will not have sex with a chicken is not man enough for me"

The fuck! If my man fucks a chicken then he's good enough for me? Hahahaha. This is probably the funniest book I've read. Ever. I've decided to dedicate a weekly post to it called : The UST Lesson of The Week. I'm actually serious. It's too funny to keep to myself.

Current...
Mood:Sleepy
Song:Simple kind of Life by No doubt